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Christopher "Tanoro" Gray is a web programmer and science advocate especially concerned with resource management technologies, biology, and artificial intelligence. He is a student of epistemology and philosophy as well as an Atheist competent in Christian theology.
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UC Santa Barbara Shooting
Posted by: Tanoro - May 28, 2014 4:36PM

I appropriately sympathize with the victims of this tragedy and certainly do not condone violence, but I also feel rather bad for the shooter because I very easily relate to how he feels. I am more than 12 years single and I have had to discover wisdom to overrule many of the very same ideas expressed by him in his video. I regard myself a kind and compassionate guy rejected by the majority of women I encounter and often cannot determine why. Meanwhile, I observe what I view to be lesser men having far less difficulty. This has made me contemplate explanations up to and including suspecting women having contradictory standards which pre-exclude decent men. Yes, there appears to be a lack of fairness, but let's dismantle that.

Given the opportunity to speak to the shooter before this event, I would've said the following. None are designed to help get a date, but only to recover balance and ease the despair a little.

- We cannot possibly grade the value of another man to a woman we are admiring. We can only view other men through a primate's eyes -- the kind competing for a mate. There are always redeeming traits under the surface that are not apparent to someone like us, but are to a woman who has spent time dismantling the man's character and values in private.

- Life is about as fair to me as my view of entitlement would be to the women on which I apply it. Life is not obligated to hand me anything except an eventual death. As such, women are not obligated to do me any favors, nor would such a relationship make me happy. Who wants love and romance by obligation? For that matter, who wants it under desperation -- certainly not women?

- If you find yourself becoming desperate for love, learn to understand that love is not the only source of happiness life has to offer -- neither is sex. To some extent, these are social expectations that we are free to reject at our discretion or put aside when they are unavailable to us. I won't claim that being a virgin at an adult age should be a source of pride, but it also not tragic. You must also understand that not every woman is good for you, despite how they appear. When you allow yourself to become desperate for love, you risk attaching yourself to one that will harm you.

- Don't try to fall in love with women. Make friends with them, relate to them, and listen to their romantic experiences. You learn a little more about the difficulties they have that are not apparent to you and, sometimes, what they see in those lesser men that you do not.

- Romance is competitive to some extent. There is always something to improve in yourself to aid your chances. Consider going to the gym, improving your education, move to another town where the people are more hospitable. Placing the blame on everyone is just being lazy.

This blog is an editorial and contains only the opinions of the author. The author claims no expertise on most topics of discussion and this blog is not to be cited as an alternative for properly vetted journalism or scientific sources.

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